Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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