I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
