May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
