this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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