She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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