The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
