and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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