I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
