I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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