ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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