I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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