woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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