escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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