There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
