I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
