I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
