But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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