is wine microwaveable?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
