is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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