I hate your face
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
