If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
