Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
