instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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