he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
