he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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