his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize