do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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