Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Mom said you looked used
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So much Jack, so little girl.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
