you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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