My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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