btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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