Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
