My cat gives me a boner
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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