oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
