3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize