Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize