your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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