So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
