I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
