Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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