Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize