I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
