I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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