been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
