Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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