also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
