The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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