OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
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My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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