he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
