I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
