But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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