Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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