you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
