We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
