and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
