I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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