I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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