My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
