Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
