I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
