Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
