just tell him i said nine months
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Four minutes until I can fart!
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
