Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
