I got chris browned last night
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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