There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
