wat bout pragnant strippers??
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
