You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
