East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
