Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
This baby is an asshole
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
