its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
