Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
