Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
