Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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