I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
