she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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