So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
