You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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