Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Randomize
