I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
we're so committed to being not committed
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
