so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
