9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
