Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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