Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
